Stop Avoiding Tough Questions
Why do we cringe when a board member asks a tough question? Or dismiss our employee when she raises a question that challenges our approach?
We tend to have an emotional, and sometimes visceral, response to tough questions. We feel:
Put on the spot. We don’t have the answer and feel like our leadership and knowledge are being questioned.
Judged or criticized. Despite the intention, tone, or actual question posed, we all too-often hear, “why haven’t you…?”
Defensive. Our ego kicks in wondering how the person asking the question possibly thinks she knows more about the topic than we do.
Interrogated. We’re wed to our solutions, approach and priorities and don’t want to be quizzed or forced to rethink what we already know and have already put tons of effort into.
Constrained. The scarcity mindset shuts us down with limiting beliefs, telling us we don’t have time to think about things from another angle or to rework things; we don’t have money or capacity to do things differently.
Overwhelmed. With a million things on our plate, good gracious we don’t have energy for questions.
Phew! We have come to associate tough questions with stress and a lot of negative emotions. So… we avoid them, dismiss them, kick them down the road, shut them down – you get the picture.
What if we flip our relationship to tough questions on its head? What if we see tough questions as an incredible gift – in fact, the best gift our board and team members can give us as leaders?
Yep, I just suggested that when your board asks a question challenging your proposal you take a huge, deep breath and receive it as a gift. And yes, when your team member asks a question that could lead to a complete redesign of an event, program or strategy I encourage you to receive it as an opportunity.
A gift and opportunity for what, you ask?
Tough, challenging, probing questions are the ticket to improving, to growing, to maximizing impact. When we avoid tough questions, we’re committing to the status quo. We’re deciding (yes, deciding) to keep things just as they are; to not investigate how we can adjust to become stronger; to not test our approach and simply keep on keeping on even if it’s not getting us very far.
Tough questions are the super food of great organizations. They fuel growth and innovation. They make us healthier and stronger as teams, as organizations, as leaders.
Next time you’re faced with a tough question, take a deep breath. Acknowledge the feelings that arise in your initial reaction. Breathe again. And then accept the gift of the question. Commit to pondering it, in that moment or later, and how it can be turned into an opportunity to make you and your organization stronger.
For bonus points, start seeking tough questions. Charge your board and your team with asking questions that test assumptions and further your team’s work all in the name of a healthy, thriving organization. See how flipping your relationship with tough questions on its head launches you further as a leader.
And board members – your most important job is to seek and ask questions that advance the organization. Be curious. Test assumptions. Uncover oversights. Help your organization and leadership grow stronger.